Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
