The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
