I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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