What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
