It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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