Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
