I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
