i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
