Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think I am morally bankrupt
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
