dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
