i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
