your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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