New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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