i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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