Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
