she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
