I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
