My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
