something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
