Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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