I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Your cock deserves a montage
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
