I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
