I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
