You just made me feel so damn special
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
