i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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