the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
