so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
