Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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