I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
