Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
