Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
