You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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