I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
look no pants
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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