I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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