Well apparently he's into motor boating.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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