i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
