My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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