Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
