Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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