I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
