You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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