Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
