He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
