Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
