We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
