His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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