so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
