im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
