she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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