everyone is single if you try hard enough
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
