Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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