I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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