ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
