you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
